“Bachelor In Paradise” Week 3 Night 1: Paradise Disaster

Tamara Satamian ABC Shows, The Bachelor, The Bachelorette, Top Stories, TV 0 Comments

The men had the power on this week’s episode of “Bachelor In Paradise.” Just as you’d expect, chaos ensued. Let’s just say, Harvey wasn’t the only disaster to occur this week! Keep reading to find out what I’m talking about.

“What Dat Mouf Do Tho?”

Alexis and Jack Stone may or may not have some sort of bond. He might have a crush on her and she’s just friend-zoning him. Whatever the case is, Alexis needs Jack Stone’s rose if she plans to stay in paradise.

Alexis: Let’s play a game where I blindfold you and put food in your mouth and you have to guess what it is.

Jack Stone: Sure. Sounds fun.

Alexis: *Sticks dead smelly crab in his mouth*

Jack Stone: “She’s not getting a rose from me after that one.”

Nice one, Alexis.

Virgin Pina Colada

Jasmine is being way too clingy with Matt. She literally hops on top of him and starts making out with him and he just gets up and puts her down. Jasmine thinks it’s all good though. At least until Christen walks in.

Christen: “Is paradise even paradise without a virgin in it?”

Jasmine: You can ask out everyone that’s not Matt.

Matt to Christen: I’m not here to be tied down to one person.

Christen: *Asks Matt on her date*

Atomic Jasmine Bomb

Matt to Jasmine: I’m going on a date with Christen.

Jasmine: No you’re not.

Jasmine: “You want good TV ABC? I’m about to give you good TV.”

Jasmine: Christen is “sneaky and slimy.”

Jasmine: “She’s dead to me, I can’t wait until she gets back.”

Matt and Christen: *get back from their date but fear the wrath of Jasmine*

Jasmine to Matt: “I missed you!” *starts making out with him*

Kristina: “She’ll be getting chokied for the rest of her time in paradise if she stays.”

Alexis: “Rule number one, don’t mess with the queen.”

Taylor to Christen: Did you guys kiss? Did he taste like Jasmine?

Jasmine: “The devil was a snake, she’s a snake.”

Scallop Fingers

Alexis: I once was on my way to the club with Christen and she pulled out leftover scallops and started eating them with her bare fingers. Then she touched my shoulder with her stinky fingers. I had to go to the club with a gross shoulder.

Amanda: “I don’t trust anyone that takes scallops to go.”

Jasmine: “Slimy scallop fingers. Slimy like her heart.”

Christen: *walks up to Sarah and Amanda with shrimp in her hand*

Amanda and Sarah: *giggle*

Amanda & Robby

Robby: *Throws glow sticks in hot tub* Can I kiss you now?

Amanda: No, lets go play Scategories with everyone else.

Sarah & Matt

Sarah: I want us to live happily ever after.

Matt: I can’t decide if I want you or Raven.

Sarah: Are you turned off by me because I don’t play hard to get?

Douche Canoe Dean

Kristina: Can you stop giving DLo attention?

Dean: I just want to hangout out with her but like, she’s not getting my rose.

Literally everyone: *eye roll*

Taylor & Derek

Taylor: Let’s talk about our conflict communication skills.

Derek: “F*$% you.”

Taylor: Our relationship might be over. I don’t know if I’ll accept his rose.

Lacey & Diggy

Lacey: I’m mad at you for going out with Dom and liking her.

Diggy: I’m for sure giving Dom my rose.

Amanda & Robby

Robby: *Gives Amanda two pairs of ugly flip flops for her kids*

Amanda: Aw, you’re so sweet!

Robby: Can I kiss you now?

Amanda: No.

Robby: *Tries again*

Amanda: “I finally kissed Robby and it was good!”

Love Triangle

Matt to Christen: I hope you get a rose but it’s not coming from me.

Matt to Jasmine: I’m just going to go home.

Jasmine and Christen: *cry hysterically*

Wells: Jack Stone is the last eligible bachelor.

Christen: *Kisses Jack Stone*

Last But Not Least

Derek: “I’m sorry.”

Taylor: “I forgive you.”

*Daniel walks in*

Lacey: *creepy smile*

Tune in Monday and Tuesday nights at 8/7c on ABC to watch!

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